...death becomes clear through bloodshot eyes...

Song of the Day: "Bitches" - Insane Clown Posse

Tonight I'm pulling a "T-Bob", as I affectionately call it: Drinking, smoking, reading and not forgetting to "fuck my mother". And her sister too.

Things have been going well there in Irving. There hasn't been one demo I've done so far where I haven't sold at least one order. The only problem is that we're really not seeing a lot of people. On every demo, except for one, we've seen four couples. Tonight we saw six, and got three of them. I just hope we see more people before we get out of town. Things have been going well with TJ as well.

@Nix: I still wish you were here instead. I think things would be much more fun than they are now.

I've actually been reading Buffy and Angel books recently. I got two of them at the Dollar Store the other day. I'm fiending for more, since the show is no longer on the air. I'm sure I noted this before, but I picked up the "Firefly" DVDs as well. I haven't watched any of them yet, but I plan to soon.

I'm feeling a little better tonight, but that might be the beer starting to kick in. I guess the biggest reason I didn't type what I was thinking last night was because I figured there'd be questions I didn't want to or wasn't ready to answer publicly.

Basically what it all boils down to is this: As a whole, I just don't feel happy. I feel unfufilled in a lot of aspects. I know a lot of you might just pass it off as "Oh, Scott is never happy", and that's fine. All I know is I've never felt this kind of emptiness. Ever. Where it's coming from, I have something of an idea. There are some other aspects I'm not so sure about.

And now, to end this, another dream sequence:

I'm in a library with Beaver, and he's pointing out some Stephen King books that are special editions. They're "Green Mile" books, but they're huge. I ask about buying them when Corey shows up with a beer in his hand. Suddenly I'm in my Uncle's kitchen, having a drink with Corey. Then I'm in some underground facility. There are tons of desks and computers. It's a game-testing facility. They have a copy of every game in existance there, and they're for sale.

Why is it I can never really get the things I want?