...death becomes clear through bloodshot eyes...

Song of the Day: "Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down) - Ween

Things aren't good.

That's about all I've got to say.

Song of the Day: "The Hollow" - A Perfect Circle

I don't know what's happened, but being here in Texas suddenly isn't that appealing to me. I took a week off, thinking that I might be suffering from burnout factor. We saw 17 couples all day today, and I sold one order. There are some extenuating circumstances, but otherwise I'm feeling pretty useless here. Shit like this has been going on for a month.

There have been a few things that haven't been sitting with me right recently, but I'm sure that will all come out later.

In the latest issue of Maxim, there's a blurb in there somewhere about Fight Club now becoming a Broadway musical. That's no joke.

Also, Jonathan Davis (Korn) and his ex-pornstar wife are writing, directing, and starring in a porn film they plan to make together. Are things really that bad for Mr. Davis? I wouldn't think so, but when you're covering "Word Up" it makes me wonder.

Song of the Day: "Waverer - Slide Mix" - Akira Yamaoka

Welcome (back) to Dallas, boys and girls.

The drive here was alright. I'm now working with a guy named Robert (from here on, he will now be known as T-Bob). He's an combination of Corey, Steve, and Delarber. It's rather odd, but he's cool.

Sarah called me again tonight. She's due on October 26th. The main reason she called me, apparently, is she wanted to thank me for being the reason she's trying to get her life back on track by going to a therapist and getting back on medication. She admitted that she was a major source of a lot of the problems that went on in our relationship, and that she was sorry for taking out her faults on me. She also told me that she wants to be with me, but doesn't. That maybe, in the future, there would be a possibility of us getting together again.

I think not.

Andrea Gustavson also called me. That conversation was more wacked out than talking with Sarah. She calls me acting all friendly, then complains that I never call her. That we are close friends and I never bother to see what she's up to. She asks me how I am, and when I don't ask her, she becomes rather bitchy. So, out of the kindness of my stony heart, I ask her how she's doing. At this time I'm trying to figure out where the hell I am, and end up missing a major exit listening to her incessant babbling. I ended up cutting her off and telling her I had to go.

Unbelievable.

Mark also had to call me. The guy got fired, but doesn't seem to know it yet. Tony wants him to quit, so that he doesn't draw unemployment money. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but I could not work with him on another trip.

Fat fuck.

Anyway, that's about all there is to say. Hope you enjoyed this edition.

Song of the Day: "Keep A Good Man Down" - Thornley

Today, boys and girls, I leave for a place I've never been to before. Dallas, TX.

Ha ha. Fooled you. But if I come back wearing cowboy boots and speaking with a southern twang, I want you to do me a favor: Shoot me.

Every time I go out of town, I get that feeling that a person on their deathbed gets: There's so much I have yet to accomplish.

Something I'd like to clarify: This whole Blogger issue has spun way out of hand. I guess what it comes down to is this: I don't care who has what kind of journal. I think it's a good and very therapeutic thing to have one. I just thought it was funny how everyone we know had one within 24 hours of each other. It's nothing new and I found out about it through Lucas, to be honest with you. I contemplated about getting one for a while, merely to avoid the topic were talking about here, but then again thousands of people have one, so who would I be copying? There's not much of anything I do that someone before me hasn't done anyway.

Hizzy: I just thought it was odd that you needed another journal to say what you were saying on your LJ, that's all.

Beaver: I don't care that you have a journal. Hopefully, you'll understand by the paragraph above.

There. I think that's about it. Otherwise, I'm sure you'll be hearing more from me on the road.

Song of the Day: "Come Again" - Thornley

I must say, here recently, I've felt more like a baby-sitter more than anything. As of why, that's an entirely different story.

Anyway, as I'm sure everyone knows by now, it seems the whole group has gone Blog-Berserk. One says they started it first, like no one has ever kept a journal before them. This isn't a personal dig. Everone wants to feel like they're doing something special; something that no one else they know is doing. When others start doing those things though, sometimes a person gets defensive, which I understand. I've been that way about some things. But to have a journal that you've had for years, to start a new one, and dig on what other peoples happen to be about... That's not cool at all unless you are looking to piss them off. Who cares what a person is writing about? It's an on-line journal. Every one of them is going to be different, just like everyone you know.

I just got totally distracted. Sorry.

Well ladies and gents, the end of another long harrowing day.

Events:

1. Woke up.
2. Surfed the net.
3. Showered.
4. Surfed the net some more.
5. Ate.
6. Played video games.
7. Surfed the net even more.
8. Went to bed (well, going to bed here soon).

Man, sometimes it's nasty being me. Goodnight all.

Song of the Day: "Tender Sugar - Empire Mix" - Akira Yamaoka


STATUS UPGRADE
@The Rising Pheonix: Your link has been fixed.
@The Council Chambers: Your link has been fixed as well.
@Copycat: Your link has been added. However, your LJ has been removed.
@Beaver: Your link has been added.
END UPGRADE

Ah, that felt good.

Just woke up, having a Pop-Tart... that's about it.

Song of the Day: "Easy Comes" - Thornley

Well, Matt wasn't anywhere to be seen at the Pink Galleon last night. I swear that fucker doesn't want to sell those couches. If that's the case, he needs to give my money back. So needless to say, I'm ready to go and get it. I went and looked up the address where he's living. He probably wasn't expecting that, but that's alright. He can go fuck himself.

At any rate, the weather outside is looking rather nasty here today.

Dream sequence: Amanda and I were at my place, and for some reason we had a pet snake someone had just given to us. I'm sitting there, holding it by it's head, and it's biting my hand. It's poisonous, but for some reason the poison isn't getting into my hand as it's biting me. I move my hand a little further down it's body and fangs are coming out the side of it's neck. We take it outside to find something to put it in, and we find a box in my outside storage closet. Someone else shows up, some black girl, and tells us it's not a good idea to put the snake in the box. I respond with something along the lines of, "I don't really care at this point". As Amanda is opening the collapsed box, I tap it's head against the wall, trying to knock it out. It's eyes flicker and it goes limp for a moment. Then it springs back to life, so I tap it's head again, and it stops moving. By this time, Amanda has the box open and ready, so I drop the snake in the box, and it's now a lizard laying on its back.

End sequence.

Things are fucked up I'm guessing.

Song of the Day: "Hold Me Down" - Tommy Lee

I am the guy from Matchstick Men. Since I've been up, all I've really done is clean. I even cleaned out my large outdoor trashcan as well, which was giving off quite a putrid smell. However, a couple tricky misquitos managed to make it into the house, so I'm killing those motherfuckers as I see them.

I've also posted a new song on the R.O.D. You can find it here.

My order from BMG also came today. Received were the following:

Korn - Korn (I needed a replacement)
The Crystal Method - Vegas
Jimmies Chicken Shack - Bring Your Own Stereo
Tommy Lee - Never A Dull Moment
Dynamite Hack - Superfast
Headstrong - Headstrong
Twisted Method - Escape From Cape Coma

Otherwise, nothing much except I can kinda play "Come As You Are" on the guitar. Yay me. Probably one of the most simple songs ever.

Song of the Day: "Red Caboose" - Jim Ether (This guy is odd and so is his music, but it's stuck in my head.)

Well, we saw Alien Vs. Predator last night. It was alright. There were a couple places in the movie that I couldn't help but laugh outloud at. It was stuff that wasn't meant to be funny.

Anyway, I've been up again all night. I finally finished cleaning the kitchen floor. I guess Quill is right: I am like the guy from Matchstick Men.

Amanda now has a job. Yay baby! I'm sure things will work out fine.

I've been messing around with my guitar, and I must say I understand now why when I had one before I put it down. It's difficult (for me) for me to get my fingers where they need to be, and tabs intimidate me (mainly because I have no clue how to read them). I know all that will come in time, but watching others play it makes it look so easy. I guess practice can make that happen.

I hope to get my place even more organized than it is. I've still got crap laying here and there. I just don't know what to do with a lot of it. I don't wanna throw it away, because then I'll need it. But I don't need it right now, so I wanna throw it away. Bogus.

Dave also had to harass me on the IM last night. He's bringing up shit about Steves wedding now, things that happened over a year ago. He wasn't making much sense, but here recently he hasn't been. I'm scared that the poor guy has no direction. I've tried my best to help him, but he chooses to stay where he is. He's going to think what he wants to think, so I give up.

End transmission.

Song of the Day: "Stillborn" - Spineshank

I'm home now, and it feels good to be here.

I feel like a meth head. I was up all night, and about five this morning I started cleaning my kitchen. I got down on my hands and knees and started scrubbing the floor. I'm just an odd motherfucker. Reminded me of those anti-drug commercials they used to play on channel 11. The one with the punk girl rocking back in forth in the corner of her bathroom while they're singing "Meth! Yeah, meth!" in the background.

Amanda and I watched Knockaround Guys. Not a bad flick.

My stomach is killing me right now. I wish I had to shit, but I don't have to. If I did, maybe I could alleviate this toxic feeling in my stomach. I'm tempted to lay down for a little bit, but I know if I do I'm going to sleep all day.

It's amazing how the smallest thing when you first wake up can set your tone for the day.

T-minus 14 hours and counting.

Dream sequence: My condo. Things are lit very poorly. I'm running around trying to get things in order, considering I've just gotten back from being on the road. Amanda is rushing me to get things done because there's a whole bunch of concerts she wants to go to. I tell her I'll catch up with her later, and I'm not so sure if I do.

I end up somewhere I don't recognize at first, swinging from a vine while some sort of movie is being filmed. The fucked part of it is this: It's all game shows, and all the sets are on a big wheel that expands and contracts. I've got some cartridiges in my hand, and I keep spilling all these green little pellets all over the place. An old friend of mine, Brian, sees me and asks me why I'm wearing a comic book shirt when I'm not really wearing one.

I finally get off this vine or rope and find myself in a home improvement store. Apparently, I work there because my shirt is now missing and the owner is bitching at me to get things moved, stocked, and put away. The directions for where everything needs to be is printed on the side of everything, but you've got to hold it at a certain angle to sunlight for the directions to appear. The last thing I did was figure out where I was supposed to move a tv.

End sequence.

No, I wasn't drinking last night. I had a burger at 10:30 for dinner, but that was it. I don't think it was the food either. There's got to be something in the water. I haven't had this many dreams in a row ever (outside of the repeating nightmares I once had as a child).

I was excited about coming home, but after resting I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails. I just have a feeling today isn't going to be any better than yesterday.

Song of the Day: "Death Blooms" - Mudvayne

Today was a total bust. Three demos, one order all day.

On the upside, tomorrow is our last day. I'm so excited that I'm ready to leave now.

Guess what? All that time I thought it'd be cool for them to make a Fight Club video game? Yeah, it's coming.

I'm so very tired right now. I don't know why, but I've felt exhausted all day.

Oh well.

I don't want to work today.

Song of the Day: "Resting Comfortably" - Akira Yamaoka

Dream sequence: I'm at my parents house, and I offer to clean it for them in exchange for one of their cars so I can drive to Texas.

End sequence.

I know, that's pretty boring. No death, sex, nudity, etc. It's actually kinda scary. It's like the state doesn't want me to leave.

"Oh, what a horrrriiiible nightmare.... oh... oh god... I CAN'T MOVE!" (per Ash.)

The only reason I'm up right now is because some lady called to confirm her appointment for today. We have three today and tomorrow. Then I get to come home. I'm actually very excited. More than I normally am.

I had a dream last night: Amanda tried to get me to watch some goofy porn that one of her friends recommended ("There's three different endings!"), and I peed a lot.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about today.

I'm here to talk about the survey that Steve started, and my opinion on a couple of the things that have everyone in a tizzy.

The main issue seems to be the "Ugliest Person" question. Steve happened to answer Beaver. While I don't necessarily agree with this answer, I do agree that Beaver is not the prettiest creature to walk the planet. Neither am I. Hell, none of us are going to win any beauty pageants soon, so chill the fuck out. It's a stupid quiz. Like you've never called someone ugly behind their back or to their face. (And even though highschool is over, you gotta admit, the Suttmoeller girl was kinda creepy looking.) Enough of the "Holier than thou" attitude.

The other question that bothers me personally is the "Give or Receive" question. You had to see this one coming. Now, I know that I've only seen the response of two women, but how and why is it fair for us to have to fulfill every womans want and need to only be told, "I don't like it, therefore I won't do it." If I ever heard that from someone I was with, they'd be gone. You can call me petty. I don't care. I'm all about being the person a woman wants me to be in bed, but if you won't or don't like to do it, it's probably because you're horrible at it anyway (how hard can it be?). Don't tell us it smells bad. We know all about that. Don't tell us it tastes bad. Again, we know all about that. Nonetheless, it doesn't matter (to me, anyway). Something I hate is a woman that does it and acts like she doesn't want to. I'd wanna slap her. The only thing worse is a woman who uses it as a reward. Get over yourself.

Yeah, I guess I feel pretty strongly about it.

I can only imagine what I'm going to hear about this, but as I've said in the past: "I don't care". If it struck a nerve, so what? Don't read this anymore.

Song of the Day: "Silent Hill" - Akira Yamaoka

Here it is almost two in the a.m., and I had to crack open a beer. If that's any indication of how I'm feeling right now, then I need not explain what kind of mood I'm in.

I loaded all the Silent Hill tracks from all the games into Winamp, and I must say that it's an odd experience. Five hours worth of song and ambient sound, running on random, and considering I know what song comes from what game, the moods totally shift and take on new meaning being played together, yet out of order, at the same time.

Sorry to go all Patrick Bateman on you there. "I ate some of their brains. They tasted pretty damn good. Now I've got that mad Kuru (sp?) disease..."

Lucas, if your reading this, Angel's Thanatos is actually one of my favorite instrumental tracks from the series. Room of Angel has lyrics. The opening verse is pretty brutal, especially when followed by the chorus. So don't feel bad. I figured you'd pick that one anyway.

It is freezing cold in this room. Mark is a polar bear. Almost like Jeff, but worse. If it's anything below sub-zero in here, he'll break a sweat. And every time he farts he wakes himself up. Fat bastard.

The only thing I did that was worth a salt today was run out and get some cigarettes. Got a buy one-get one for $4.21. Not too bad, I guess.

Beer number two, here we go.

How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us.

I'm still awake.

If you look up Scarlet Whore on a Google search, they're the first thing to turn up. It's promoting the free show they did at Vintage Vinyl.

It's fucking cold in here.

I'm in a rather nasty mood right now. My head feels like it's spinning with all the crap floating around in there, but I can't focus. I tried to sleep, but after about an hour I gave up.

I look over at Mark, and if it weren't for the fact that he snores I'd swear he died in his sleep.

I've smoked so much tonight that I feel as though a tobacco factory was built in my mouth. I'm gonna be paying for that much later.

I'm anxious to get home, but I'm hoping to do some more business before we leave. We've got about $28,000 on paper. I'd settle for $40,000 before we leave. At least that way I can pay my bills and enjoy some well deserved time off. Not just one day, or two days....

A week and a half.

That's right kiddies. Nine whole days. What am I going to do with myself? I don't know, and I don't care, because I have a feeling those days are gonna fly by pretty quickly.

I keep looking at the clock, like I expect something to happen. I hate it when things get like this.

Song of the Day: "Nightmarish Waltz" - Akira Yamaoka

It's a good thing we have the day off today.

I've been up for a few hours now. I fell asleep about one, and about five Mark woke up and turned on the tv. I swear that fucker is deaf. He can't hear a damn thing. He's always got the tv turned up so loud. Maybe that's why he can't hear.

At any rate, after this trip I will no longer be working with him. That is a plus.

Since I am awake, and quite sadly at that, there will be no odd dream sequence for all you fools today. Sorry.

I did finally buy a guitar. It's an Ibanez acoustic, and I know that sounds kinda pussy, but at least I can play it anytime I want and not have to worry about disturbing the neighbors. Comes with a case and a tuner. Just under $100. I don't know about the quality of it, but I really don't care. It's just something for me to fuck around with and learn on.

I'm down to my last pack of cigarettes. I'm not so sure I wanna buy them here. It seems anywhere I go outside of Saint Louis charges an arm and a lung for a pack.

I've got a headache and I'd like to go back to sleep, but I don't think I'll be able to.

This is all I can think of right now. I'll be back later.

Song of the Day: "Angel's Thanatos" - Akira Yamaoka

Quill: I appreciate your interpretation. I was thinking about those things, but wasn't able to piece some things together. And you're right, the Indiana Jones thing was pretty cool.

Fuckbeans: I understand. It's one thing when I just think about it here or there, but when I dream about it too, it really does bother me.

There must be something in the beer here.

Dream sequence: I'm on my way to Susan's apartment. She's having some sort of party. As I arrive, she's walking out the door. Apparently, she's getting ready to leave. Then Hizzy, Nick and Nate show up and all pile into my car, not leaving any room for me to get in. So I end up going off on my own.

Somehow I end up in some motel room with a bunch of people that I don't know. I wanna say Vince is there, but I can't really decipher his face. There are some women there, and I figure them for hookers, but I don't ask. I end up getting talked into having sex with one of them, but after a few seconds I realize I'm fucking a bicycle pump. I look over and the girl I'm supposed to be fucking is on the phone, booking her next "appointment". So, needless to say, I stop humping the metal object. Apparently, everyone feels sorry for me, so they all let out a big "Aww..."

End sequence.

I'm not so sure what that one was supposed to mean. I don't think there's an interpretation for that.

Anyway, I've got a demo here in about an hour, so I've gotta get cleaned up and stuff. See you later.

Song of the Day: "Good Times" - Finger Eleven

Why does everything have to feel like a lie?

Dream sequence: My parents house. Christmas time. I'm having a party. Everything is lit by those emergency lights you see when there's a power failure at a hotel. The cast of characters (as I remember): Amanda, Matt, Erich, Toni, myself, and some others that are faceless for whatever reason. Space has been manipulated to make a lot of the rooms look bigger than they really are.

Amanda and Matt are in my parents bedroom. Amanda is only wearing a pair of underwear, and is standing a little too close to Matt. I try talking to her, but she ignores me. I turn around and there are some other people sitting on the floor, playing video games.

Feeling sick, I go to the basement to see what's going on down there. I am intercepted by Erich on the stairs, who looks wicked. He's not as fat as he usually is, his hair is slicked back, and his eyes are narrow slits. He knocks me down and pins me on the stairs by sitting on me. I'm screaming at him to let me up, otherwise I'm going to kill him. He laughs at me, and Toni is standing there, rambling about some sort of bullshit. The whole time I'm thinking to myself, "Where is Steve?" I finally get free of Erich and break his neck for him. Toni doesn't seem the least bit upset. She's rather content about the whole thing.

I go into the living room, trying to turn on a light. There's a ceramic light and a candle sitting on top of a speaker. For whatever reason, I can't get either one to work.

I go back downstairs and Amanda and Matt are by the pool table, but Amanda is now completely naked, practically hanging all over Matt. I know what's happened, so I just go back upstairs again.

I sit in the living room, by the lights that don't work, and Amanda comes up and snuggles with me, smiling like she does for everyone. She's giving me that look she gives after sex, and then tells me she loves me.

End sequence.

There was another dream I had. I was Indiana Jones in some foreign palace, killing supernatural zombies. I stabbed a lot of people. It felt like a game of Wolfenstein 3D, but seemed real.

Don't ask me. I don't know.

Song of the Day: "Disciple" - Slayer

I just haven't felt like posting the last couple of days. I guess I just haven't had much to say.

On Friday night, we wrote $8,200. Yesterday, we wrote $2,800. Today, so far, we have nothing. We've got two more scheduled for today.

Mark has a tooth infection or something. His gum is swollen, and he can't really eat anything solid. He thinks it's gonna fall out here in another day or two. I think it's fucking nasty that he can go through that and not bother with a dentist.

I haven't slept too well the last couple nights. I don't know why, but for some reason the most annoying songs have been stuck in my head. Namely, that "It's Friday (I'm in love)" song by The Cure. I really don't like them. It's amazing how you can forget some of your favorite songs, but the ones you never really care for pop up at the most inopportune time.

I found a PETA video of chicken abuse in a slaughterhouse. It's a KFC slaughterhouse. You can watch it here. Click on the KFC House Of Horrors link. I understand these animals are gonna die anyway, but what's happening here it wrong.

I read somewhere that the American version of Silent Hill 4 will come with a soundtrack differing from the Japanese version. 20 tracks instead of 22, 13 of which will be American exclusives. I think that's sweet.

What did I tell you? I had nothing to report.

Song of the Day: "I" - Taproot

We have arrived in Dallas. Sometimes I really hate the ten hour drive here.

I'm back to playing with my NeoPets again.

Yes, I play with NeoPets. Yes, I'm okay with that.

I am not just slightly worried about Dave. I am deeply concerned. There have been some things he's talked with me about in the past few days that just don't make sense. I won't go into it here. If he wants you to know, he'll tell you.

I woke up in something of a funk this morning. I don't think it had to do with my leaving again for work. I just felt overwhelmingly depressed. However, the day went better than I thought, and I'm feeling alright now. Thanks for asking.

Anyway, it's getting late and it's going to be a long day, so I'm going to try and get some sleep now.

Wish me luck here. I might very well need it.

Song of the Day: "Complicated Questions" - Finger Eleven

Wow, it's been a while since I've updated. And the funny part of it is: not much has happened.

I take that back.

Monday night, Amanda and I went over to the Pink Galleon and met up with Matt. We ended up back at my place, had a few more beers before he left, and then everyone else started showing up around midnight. I'd bet the neighbors upstairs were pissed, but fuck them.

I gave Matt $100 dollars for a couch and table set that night. In all the total comes to $500, and it's nice stuff, but when I called him yesterday to go get it he never answered or called me back. Because of that, I missed out on hanging out with Joe and Steve. However, Amanda and I got to watch Paycheck, which was better than I thought but nothing spectacular. The two of us also played monopoly until 6 am. Played two games, starting at about 1:30 am. We both won one.

Steve, you threw me on that last question.

I leave tomorrow for another ten day stint in Bedford, TX. Once I get back though, I've got a week and a half to do whatever the hell I feel like doing. Vacation time is nice.

Otherwise, today I've gotta go grocery shopping. Steve called me again wanting to hang out, and Erich was going to the Pink Galleon tonight. I know Matt's gonna be there, so I may just stop by and see what the fuck happened to him.