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Whining And Complaining
This applies to EVERYONE: I started this thing to put down how I feel about things at a certain time. When I want to talk, but feel like I can't. It's really just that simple. If you don't like it, I'm sorry. I'm not out to make anyone feel like they're being put down. If you feel that way, there must be some truth in what I'm saying.
2/04/2005
Song of the Day: "Eye" - Smashing Pumpkins
This entry is of a serious nature. Haven't had one of these in a while. Just a warning.
Hello again.
Here it is, Friday morning, and I can't sleep. Normally, I'd be playing Ratchet & Clank 2 right about now, but for some reason I just don't feel like it. I haven't felt like doing much lately.
For the last couple of days my mom has been asking me if I need "help". Based on a phone conversation we had, she doesn't think that I'm happy.
Thanks for tuning in mom. For the last ten years I haven't been "happy".
My dad finds it hard to believe I can be such a negative person. For whatever reason he remembers me being quite positive.
I guess I just gave up on the facade.
Is there something wrong with me? I know so. What is it? I'm not sure yet. Do I need "help"? I suppose that's up for debate. I haven't physically hurt myself or any others around me. Sometimes though, it gets hard. Hard to keep from reaching up and squeezing the last breath out of a person; to keep from ripping their eyes out with my own hands. I don't know how many times I've had to suppress the urge to stab someone during my demo while talking about the cutlery. I know that sounds funny when you think about it, but it's really not.
I'm numb to a lot of things now. The only thing I seem to be able to feel is "anger". I feel very distant when I'm around people.
How did I grow to become like this?
This entry is of a serious nature. Haven't had one of these in a while. Just a warning.
Hello again.
Here it is, Friday morning, and I can't sleep. Normally, I'd be playing Ratchet & Clank 2 right about now, but for some reason I just don't feel like it. I haven't felt like doing much lately.
For the last couple of days my mom has been asking me if I need "help". Based on a phone conversation we had, she doesn't think that I'm happy.
Thanks for tuning in mom. For the last ten years I haven't been "happy".
My dad finds it hard to believe I can be such a negative person. For whatever reason he remembers me being quite positive.
I guess I just gave up on the facade.
Is there something wrong with me? I know so. What is it? I'm not sure yet. Do I need "help"? I suppose that's up for debate. I haven't physically hurt myself or any others around me. Sometimes though, it gets hard. Hard to keep from reaching up and squeezing the last breath out of a person; to keep from ripping their eyes out with my own hands. I don't know how many times I've had to suppress the urge to stab someone during my demo while talking about the cutlery. I know that sounds funny when you think about it, but it's really not.
I'm numb to a lot of things now. The only thing I seem to be able to feel is "anger". I feel very distant when I'm around people.
How did I grow to become like this?
Comments:
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You are reminding me of a younger version of me.
Don't think that you are the only person to feel this way. I've been there.
Here are some questions I pose to you:
What does "help" consist of? We can all use some help. Would you want to think and talk about yourself? Or do you want to medicate yourself? Who do you want to listen? Someone who knows and cares for you or someone who knows nothing about you?
Do you know why you feel the way you do? 10 years is a long time. Perhaps you have some idea.
Why put up the facade? To make others happy? Why not focus on making yourself happy?
Okay. So there are some things to think about.
Now is the time to utilize your friends and family. Talk things out with them. We all care for you and want you to be around for a long time. I know there are some of us that can even shut the fuck up and just listen to you. (I can do that, contrary to popular belief.)
That dark cloud is still around me, but it doesn't affect me as much as it used to. You can thrive from it or you can be controlled by it.
Blah blah blah...
I'm here for you. And many others are, as well.
Just don't rip our fucking eyes out, you shit.
Nix says: Now I'm going to Deelard's to buy my peels for the muns.
Don't think that you are the only person to feel this way. I've been there.
Here are some questions I pose to you:
What does "help" consist of? We can all use some help. Would you want to think and talk about yourself? Or do you want to medicate yourself? Who do you want to listen? Someone who knows and cares for you or someone who knows nothing about you?
Do you know why you feel the way you do? 10 years is a long time. Perhaps you have some idea.
Why put up the facade? To make others happy? Why not focus on making yourself happy?
Okay. So there are some things to think about.
Now is the time to utilize your friends and family. Talk things out with them. We all care for you and want you to be around for a long time. I know there are some of us that can even shut the fuck up and just listen to you. (I can do that, contrary to popular belief.)
That dark cloud is still around me, but it doesn't affect me as much as it used to. You can thrive from it or you can be controlled by it.
Blah blah blah...
I'm here for you. And many others are, as well.
Just don't rip our fucking eyes out, you shit.
Nix says: Now I'm going to Deelard's to buy my peels for the muns.
I don't have to even say anything to you about being here for you anytime, anyplace, anywhere...but I will anyway.
Lean on me if you start to fall.
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Lean on me if you start to fall.
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