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Whining And Complaining
This applies to EVERYONE: I started this thing to put down how I feel about things at a certain time. When I want to talk, but feel like I can't. It's really just that simple. If you don't like it, I'm sorry. I'm not out to make anyone feel like they're being put down. If you feel that way, there must be some truth in what I'm saying.
4/22/2004
I don't feel right today. If it were up to me, which it is, I wouldn't do a demo tonight. I'd just stay in the room all night, being the big lazy fuck that I am. I was up until 9 in the morning again. I wasn't really thinking about anything, I just wasn't tired. But this afternoon Im not feeling too well mentally. I felt like I was dreaming right before I woke up, but I can't remember. I kinda snapped awake. I'm just feeling rather desperate today, but that's nothing new. Pretty much like any other day. I can be a very pessimistic person. A lot of the time I never really feel like doing anything. I can be out with my friends, and we could be having the time of our lives, and I would still feel like crying. I can be with my girlfriend, which I enjoy very much, and still not feel totally content. A lot of things in my life feel empty. When I was a little kid I once had a great feeling of hope and related well with adults. Now that I'm a supposed adult as well, that hope has pretty much all but died, and my relationship with people in general has degenerated. I really don't feel like I get along with anyone. I'm not a dick, but I just can't relate to most people anymore.
This feeling of hopelessness and dispair that I feel on a day to day basis is something that I suppose I've gotten used to, but I don't want to feel this way anymore. I think I've learned to fake it pretty well, putting a smile on my face when needed, but it's getting harder to get up every day and put on an act for everyone around me. But as they say, life is a stage.
Look at someone when they think you're not looking. I mean really look at them. Someone that you think you know. A good friend. A family member. Your significant other. What do you see? Don't lie to yourself either. The funny part of this is that when you ask that person what's on their mind they will tell you nothing.
I don't believe that I'm the only one that feels this way. I feel that there are a lot of people across the country that feel the same way. If they're out there, I feel sorry for them. But this is my space. My own personal webspace to bitch, so it's not about them. It's about me, which is odd because I don't like to talk about myself.
This feeling of hopelessness and dispair that I feel on a day to day basis is something that I suppose I've gotten used to, but I don't want to feel this way anymore. I think I've learned to fake it pretty well, putting a smile on my face when needed, but it's getting harder to get up every day and put on an act for everyone around me. But as they say, life is a stage.
Look at someone when they think you're not looking. I mean really look at them. Someone that you think you know. A good friend. A family member. Your significant other. What do you see? Don't lie to yourself either. The funny part of this is that when you ask that person what's on their mind they will tell you nothing.
I don't believe that I'm the only one that feels this way. I feel that there are a lot of people across the country that feel the same way. If they're out there, I feel sorry for them. But this is my space. My own personal webspace to bitch, so it's not about them. It's about me, which is odd because I don't like to talk about myself.
